what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."