Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.