areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
