you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.