Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it