Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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