you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
