I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
