It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
