Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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