Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
