i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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