Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
