not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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