lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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