Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
