One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize