There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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