At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
