Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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