I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
