omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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