We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
