He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
