My liver just broke up with me...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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