I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
