I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
