she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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