You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think my moral compass just broke
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