bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
and you fell through a lawn chair
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
