So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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