we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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