omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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