how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
