Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
