I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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