id be glad to
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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