I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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