who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
