He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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