I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
