the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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