I have demons in me.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
as a side note pls kill me
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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