He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
