It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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