Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
