so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
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turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize