well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
