His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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