I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
