Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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