It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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