I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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