just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
