I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
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When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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