that's an acceptable place to lick
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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