I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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