nut hugger
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I stole a fireplace last night.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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