i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
