I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
