Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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