Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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