So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
