Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize