New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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