I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
