you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
