Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize