My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
