i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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